Throughout life you will be bombarded by crazy people. Some will say, "The world is ending tonight" or "Old School is not one of the most brilliant, poetic, sincere, and absolutely masterful movies of all time." Basically, you will hear a lot of "fluff," which is why I deem it necessary to provide you with a survival list. Here it is, take what I say seriously, it could save your life someday.
"Jonny's Survival List to Not Only Survive, but Conquer the Apocolypse"
1. At all times carry a fishing/hunting knife WITH optional under the arm carrying case. (Carrying case is essential for maximum effectiveness).
2. Read and memorize Bradford Angier's "How to Stay Alive in the Woods"
3. Be aquainted with the following movies: Surviving the Game, Die Hard Trilogy, Tracked, The Game (more for establishing mental strength), Lentil, Diary of Anne Frank, and the Incredibles.
4. Dig, fill, and cover canned food that will last for seven years. (Note: This must be at an isolated location. Note #2: I say seven years because in the Bible the number "7"=Perfection)
5. One cellar filled with weapons for war fare
6. One cellar filled with ammunition for weapons
7. Proper camoflauge with built in heat sensors (This could be used for a varitey of things and should be used in advance to become familiar with)
8. One Jonseph* Hybrid which can be fueled by banana peels and animal feces**. *First Hybrid of it's type, named after the founder and his assistent/brother of Fankle Magazine. **Excludes Toad's and Cat's excriment, I don't believe these animals should be viewed as good for anything.
9. Have on hand a large supply of peanuts* for bribing squirrels**. *Unroasted peanuts. **Squirrels usefullness/intelligence is often overlooked, a colony of squirrels on one's side could prove to be vital to survival (Note: this is an unproven theory but I as well as many others, or at least one other, believe it to be accurate)
10. Lastly, for entertainment purposes, plant at least eighteen slip and slides* at various locations unknown to the general public, this will surely increace conveniency. *Water game invented by Americans.
Love you,
Uncle Jonny/Assistent to the Editor & Chief of Fankle Magazine
About Me
- Jonny Long
- I go by Jonny. Long is my last name. I work under the prolific Very Long Media empire ruled by the first born of my family, Joseph. We banter, we work, we play, we tell stories. We love taking others' ideas and stories and transforming them into something beautiful, or ugly, if they prefer. If you like to laugh... and maybe cry a little bit too, than you've come to the right place.
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