*Happy Birthday Dad*
Today's blog will be in honor of the great Chief... A worldwide legend recognized as a historian, comedian, dentist, husband, friend, storyteller and father... My father... Lee Long.
What is it that defines a person? Is it the successes that one achieves or the obstacles one conquers? Maybe it's possibly overcoming a lengthy list of fears? First of all, what do I mean when I say "Define?" What does the word even mean? Basically it's what gives something form or meaning. So in response to my question, none of these things define a person. Really, the only thing that ever fully forms someone into who they become is the disappointments they experience. Many people try to define someone without ever knowing their background. If you agree with my definition for the word "define," than surely you cannot buy into the concept that someone other than yourself can try to define you. You and you alone are the only one that can truly be able to define yourself, and of course be able to supply sufficient evidence for your claims. Without anymore waiting, I provide you with a short, temporary, uncompleted list of great disappointments which have helped define me (in no particular order):
1. June 27, 1984*: The Portland Trail Blazer's select Sam Bowie with the 1st overall pick in the NBA draft... Michael Jordan went 2nd. (You are correct, I was not born yet... Nevertheless, this very thing has haunted my every dream for years).
2. April 16, 1992, 1:37 pm: Older brother Joseph decides not to take me to Dairy Queen after I fail to do something up to his standards. This memory may or may not be truthful. In all honesty, this is what I remember... I'll stick with it.
3. November 14, 1994: I find out Santa is fake... Enough said.
4. December 25, 1994: Extremely mixed emotions run through my head when "Santa" shows up in my living room... I cry...
5. December 26, 1994: The news is revealed to me... My dad is Santa.
6. June 12, 1998: I feel as though my world has crashed down on me after I fail to hit a home run in a YMCA little League game... The first time this has ever happened. My first seven* at bats were all home runs... *This number is debatable, I cannot remember exactly.
7. March 18, 2000: I agree to "go outside on the deck at the hotel (Four stories up) in my "Tighty Whities" when I'm dared by my basketball teammates. Foolishly, I trust them when they say "they won't do anything to me." It was maybe funny for the first five minutes. After twenty minutes on the deck in broad daylight in underwear my confidence was destroyed... The hotel was on the side of a highway.
8. January 3, 2002: I ask a girl to "go out" with me... She says yes... She breaks up with me three weeks later... I tell everyone I broke up with her.
9. May 2002: The Portland Trail Blazers give up a 17 point lead in the final eight minutes of the game to the Los Angeles Lakers to advance to the NBA Finals... My hatred for Kobe Bryant begins.
For now,
Uncle Jonny/ Assistant to the Editor in Chief
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
12 May 2007
Throughout life you will be bombarded by crazy people. Some will say, "The world is ending tonight" or "Old School is not one of the most brilliant, poetic, sincere, and absolutely masterful movies of all time." Basically, you will hear a lot of "fluff," which is why I deem it necessary to provide you with a survival list. Here it is, take what I say seriously, it could save your life someday.
"Jonny's Survival List to Not Only Survive, but Conquer the Apocolypse"
1. At all times carry a fishing/hunting knife WITH optional under the arm carrying case. (Carrying case is essential for maximum effectiveness).
2. Read and memorize Bradford Angier's "How to Stay Alive in the Woods"
3. Be aquainted with the following movies: Surviving the Game, Die Hard Trilogy, Tracked, The Game (more for establishing mental strength), Lentil, Diary of Anne Frank, and the Incredibles.
4. Dig, fill, and cover canned food that will last for seven years. (Note: This must be at an isolated location. Note #2: I say seven years because in the Bible the number "7"=Perfection)
5. One cellar filled with weapons for war fare
6. One cellar filled with ammunition for weapons
7. Proper camoflauge with built in heat sensors (This could be used for a varitey of things and should be used in advance to become familiar with)
8. One Jonseph* Hybrid which can be fueled by banana peels and animal feces**. *First Hybrid of it's type, named after the founder and his assistent/brother of Fankle Magazine. **Excludes Toad's and Cat's excriment, I don't believe these animals should be viewed as good for anything.
9. Have on hand a large supply of peanuts* for bribing squirrels**. *Unroasted peanuts. **Squirrels usefullness/intelligence is often overlooked, a colony of squirrels on one's side could prove to be vital to survival (Note: this is an unproven theory but I as well as many others, or at least one other, believe it to be accurate)
10. Lastly, for entertainment purposes, plant at least eighteen slip and slides* at various locations unknown to the general public, this will surely increace conveniency. *Water game invented by Americans.
Love you,
Uncle Jonny/Assistent to the Editor & Chief of Fankle Magazine
"Jonny's Survival List to Not Only Survive, but Conquer the Apocolypse"
1. At all times carry a fishing/hunting knife WITH optional under the arm carrying case. (Carrying case is essential for maximum effectiveness).
2. Read and memorize Bradford Angier's "How to Stay Alive in the Woods"
3. Be aquainted with the following movies: Surviving the Game, Die Hard Trilogy, Tracked, The Game (more for establishing mental strength), Lentil, Diary of Anne Frank, and the Incredibles.
4. Dig, fill, and cover canned food that will last for seven years. (Note: This must be at an isolated location. Note #2: I say seven years because in the Bible the number "7"=Perfection)
5. One cellar filled with weapons for war fare
6. One cellar filled with ammunition for weapons
7. Proper camoflauge with built in heat sensors (This could be used for a varitey of things and should be used in advance to become familiar with)
8. One Jonseph* Hybrid which can be fueled by banana peels and animal feces**. *First Hybrid of it's type, named after the founder and his assistent/brother of Fankle Magazine. **Excludes Toad's and Cat's excriment, I don't believe these animals should be viewed as good for anything.
9. Have on hand a large supply of peanuts* for bribing squirrels**. *Unroasted peanuts. **Squirrels usefullness/intelligence is often overlooked, a colony of squirrels on one's side could prove to be vital to survival (Note: this is an unproven theory but I as well as many others, or at least one other, believe it to be accurate)
10. Lastly, for entertainment purposes, plant at least eighteen slip and slides* at various locations unknown to the general public, this will surely increace conveniency. *Water game invented by Americans.
Love you,
Uncle Jonny/Assistent to the Editor & Chief of Fankle Magazine
Friday, May 11, 2007
11 May 2007
Dearest Magsta,
I stated in an earlier post that I would not be there when you are introduced into the world... most likely... Do I feel bad about this? Yes... Is there any positive outcomes that may come of this? Absolutely. For the first month of your induction, you will be passed around like a hot potato. As you know, the person who ends up holding the potato is the one that wins. This brings me to my logic, like a potato, the "hottness" of your initial existence will eventually cool. When this happens, guess who will be there to accept you? That's right, me. This means that I will, with not much suprise as is usually the custom, I will be the winner, I will have you for good. With that said, many will try to do things with you that I forbid you to do with anyone but myself. Without further ado, here is a preliminary list of the top five things you must NOT do with anyone while I'm gone.
1. Travel to Switzerland
2. Play the board game Monopoly (Batman and Robin special edition)
3. Play the Tuba
4. Shoot a paintball gun
5. Frolick in ANY fields wich contains daisies
Like I said, this is only a temporary list and many more things will be added to it in the near future. I believe mommy is feeding you Mac+Cheese right now.... Quite elegantly I might add... I guess that's all I have for tonight.
Love you,
Uncle Jonny/Assistant to the Editor in Chief of "Fankle Magazine"
I stated in an earlier post that I would not be there when you are introduced into the world... most likely... Do I feel bad about this? Yes... Is there any positive outcomes that may come of this? Absolutely. For the first month of your induction, you will be passed around like a hot potato. As you know, the person who ends up holding the potato is the one that wins. This brings me to my logic, like a potato, the "hottness" of your initial existence will eventually cool. When this happens, guess who will be there to accept you? That's right, me. This means that I will, with not much suprise as is usually the custom, I will be the winner, I will have you for good. With that said, many will try to do things with you that I forbid you to do with anyone but myself. Without further ado, here is a preliminary list of the top five things you must NOT do with anyone while I'm gone.
1. Travel to Switzerland
2. Play the board game Monopoly (Batman and Robin special edition)
3. Play the Tuba
4. Shoot a paintball gun
5. Frolick in ANY fields wich contains daisies
Like I said, this is only a temporary list and many more things will be added to it in the near future. I believe mommy is feeding you Mac+Cheese right now.... Quite elegantly I might add... I guess that's all I have for tonight.
Love you,
Uncle Jonny/Assistant to the Editor in Chief of "Fankle Magazine"
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
9 May 2007
Ironic: happening in the opposite way to what is expected, and typically causing wry amusement because of this. For example, it's ironic that Joseph decided to start a "Top 150" list for people he wanted you to know. Why you may ask? Most likely because he heard the idea from me and took it. Then again, everything I say from now on should be put into question seeming that I have a rare form of amnesia. I haven't consulted with Josef as of yet, but I'm hoping that maybe we could combine our lists, thus allowing both of us to actually finish something we have started (no offense intended Josef). With that said, I'll continue forward with 002.
002: Zech "Silky Smooth" Runkle
Very good/best friend of Uncle Jonny. Like's children. Is Talanted. Loves the Long's. Fiercly loyal. Want's to be addressed as "Uncle Zechy" by you. Great taste in movies (i.e. Dumb and Dumber is one of his favorites). Has no problem embarressing himself with Uncle Jonny for entertainment. Is not a guy who "jumps on the bandwagon"/he does his own thing. Doesn't let people boss him around. Will probably play in the NFL, which is extremely relevant.
002: Zech "Silky Smooth" Runkle
Very good/best friend of Uncle Jonny. Like's children. Is Talanted. Loves the Long's. Fiercly loyal. Want's to be addressed as "Uncle Zechy" by you. Great taste in movies (i.e. Dumb and Dumber is one of his favorites). Has no problem embarressing himself with Uncle Jonny for entertainment. Is not a guy who "jumps on the bandwagon"/he does his own thing. Doesn't let people boss him around. Will probably play in the NFL, which is extremely relevant.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
8 May 2007
I have recently looked into possible minor forms of amnesia... If there is something, I think I have it. As Uncle Josh could attest to, I have lossed my keys and phone a combined seventeen times in the last three weeks, approximately. I also got up at 7:00 am in the morning to study for a quiz I thought I had in my 9:00 am class. It would be understandable if I had only been mistaken about a quiz, what was not understandable was the fact that I didn't even have class.
I heard you and your mother came in second place in the Bloomsday run. I'll repeat my brother's sentiments, it's not first but you're the first loser.. I guess something can be said for that. As you grow up, you'll quickly learn that losing is something your father is not okay with. Tracing back a few years, I distinctly remember being beaten by your "Daddy" if my baseball team lost a game or I did not hit a home run. At the time I wondered if it was excessive, now I realize that it was absolutely necessary for my development as an eight year old trying to leave a mark in my first year in YMCA little league.
Uncle Jonny
I heard you and your mother came in second place in the Bloomsday run. I'll repeat my brother's sentiments, it's not first but you're the first loser.. I guess something can be said for that. As you grow up, you'll quickly learn that losing is something your father is not okay with. Tracing back a few years, I distinctly remember being beaten by your "Daddy" if my baseball team lost a game or I did not hit a home run. At the time I wondered if it was excessive, now I realize that it was absolutely necessary for my development as an eight year old trying to leave a mark in my first year in YMCA little league.
Uncle Jonny
Saturday, May 5, 2007
5 May 2007
Sabbath evening... I'm sitting on my front porch watching the beautiful sun set... I think in the west?!?! I'm trying to remember how that song goes about the sun setting, geography has never been my strongest subject. Today I went to church and heard my good friend/ex-roomate Trent Wade preach. Sometimes you hear things so much that they become inaffective, for me, I don't know how many times I have heard that you should not take things for granted, whatever that may be. I have always maintained some what of a "neutral" attitude and haven't put much thought into my appreciation for even life's most "simple" gifts. For some strange reason, however, Trent got through to me today. My goodness, there is so much to be thankful for, seriously. I am going to make a concerted effort to try and appreciate even the most tiniest things. I'll tell you something I'm really really thankful for.. You! Wow, I have said this numerous times but I have waited so long to have a little baby that I could claim as "mine," per say. I am so excited to be a part of your life and possibly have an influence in some way. I love you kid. I'll talk to you later.
Uncle Jonny
Uncle Jonny
Thursday, May 3, 2007
3 May 2007
Hello my little princess... I'm actually not sure if I like that, I think you're quite a bit tougher (and prettier of course) than a princess. When I think of a princess I think Cinderella or something. I had never really thought of that fairy tale all that much but I think it kind of bothers me, or at least I could make it bother me if I thought about it long enough. What's her problem? "Oh no, I was rich but my father died so now I'll just let my step mother walk all over me." Heck no, why did she not verbally.. and possibly physically as well.. obliterate her and her stuck up step sisters. No way I would put up with that. So I guess to sum it up, here's what bothers me about the story, Cinderella is portrayed as a strong character who you're supposed to have pity for because she's treated so badly by her step sisters and step mother. Does nobody realize that Cinderella is an adult?!?! Why can she not mess them up and take what is rightfully her's or at least leave and go somewhere where she won't be treated like garbage? I have no pity for Cinderella, she's a weak character and would never survive in the real world.
In a positive light, I have now convinced myself that I do not in fact like the story of Cinderella, thus assuring in me that I will never have to waste my time reading it to you. But don't worry your sweet little heart, I'll read you other books that portray strong characters that stand up for themselves. We will start off with lighter reading material (and when I say reading material, I mean we will probably just watch a movie), such as The Incredibles and Shrek and then move onto a little more heavy stuff like Predator, Cliffhanger, The Matrix, and so forth. Love you.
Uncle Jonny
In a positive light, I have now convinced myself that I do not in fact like the story of Cinderella, thus assuring in me that I will never have to waste my time reading it to you. But don't worry your sweet little heart, I'll read you other books that portray strong characters that stand up for themselves. We will start off with lighter reading material (and when I say reading material, I mean we will probably just watch a movie), such as The Incredibles and Shrek and then move onto a little more heavy stuff like Predator, Cliffhanger, The Matrix, and so forth. Love you.
Uncle Jonny
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